(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({ google_ad_client: "ca-pub-6265552461186991", enable_page_level_ads: true });

Love, Lust and Infatuation

Need advice on dating? Have advice to give? This is the place!
User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:02 am

Anyone, I think, who is looking for a serious relationship will probably find themselves trying to convince themselves that they're in love or wondering if they might not be. If you ask me it is more complicated than the effects of oxytocin, the brain chemical that we experience as love. I can say that I have been in all three boats and without being in them it is pretty hard to tell which.

Lust might seem pretty straightforward for most and I will agree there is a different from having the desire for someone who is very attractive. That I think is normal for guys to find many people sexually attractive. It's still normal at some point to wish that you were in a relationship with one of these people as well. I mean, would it not be a nice thought to be in a life long relationship with the guy of your dreams? Of course it would. However, truthfully what we imagine doesn't match up with reality... and that's ok. That's not a bummer, it's really not and I'll get to the why in a little bit. One thing that is worth mentioning is that no relationship should be based on looks alone, we're not always going to be in our prime and at some point we will age, get gray hair or go bald, put on weight and get saggy. It is just how it goes, if you're looking for something life long.

Infatuation is really just a fancy word for having a crush on someone, when you can't stop thinking about someone or perhaps in the awe of their apparent awesomeness. One sure sign is that you can't seem to think any negative thoughts about them as irrational as it might seem because we all have our faults and misgivings and yes, even your crush has a bad side to them. From my own experience it is like being high, I mean you're happy you think you have found the one and everything will be great, but... then it isn't. The problems become that when something goes wrong it is devastating and secondly when you have a crush on someone you're more likely to be a bit smothering but that's more of a personality trait but I won't tread down that road. That all being said, just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean it is a sign that things will crash and burn but it is important, if you ask me, to realize that having a crush on someone might interfere with your judgement and could perhaps send you into a not so great relationship with someone you might not end up liking, or loving.

I don't think there is any real way to really define love but if you ask me it is being at peace with someone. You're not overly hung up about something, the way they look or worry, you just enjoy being in their company. Not worried about what kind of car or job they have. The real test though is getting through the tough bits, there will be some and frankly that's where things always come unraveled is when something bad happens and often it is the first time something bad happens. You have to be able to be civil and not let the small things that are in the here and now ruin what lies ahead.

I do think there isn't a one size fits all sort of advice because your journey will be different but it does seem that if you can have some restraint, take your time to get to know someone well and at the same time share experiences with them, even if it spending the night on the couch watching TV. I can say that it takes a long long time to get to know someone and honestly it's something you never stop doing. If you think about yourself and how complex and how you have evolved yourself as a person over time you can expect the same from just about everyone else. Just because someone keeps the same hairstyle or wears the same sort of clothes all the time doesn't mean something else hasn't changed or evolved about someone else.

Finally, just a disclaimer, I'm not any kind of therapist or have any studies in psychology or anything of the sort. I have simply given my experiences, observations and perhaps some wisdom and assumptions about all these things. Hopefully it helps someone and that is what I want this site to be about.

User avatar
TwisttheLeaf
New User
New User
Reactions:
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:58 am
Location: Seattle, WA
Gender: Male
Orientation: Pansexual
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by TwisttheLeaf » Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:48 pm

In my experience, love doesn't have to do with "being at peace" with someone. It has to do with not being able to see myself as ever being the same without him again.

As an independent person who was ferocious about guarding that independence, and had absolutely NO interest in being in a relationship when I met Gid... I never felt the want or need to "jump into love" and the realization I loved him came after some time had passed. I was so busy fighting the idea of being dependent on him that loving him snuck up and crept in while I was distracted with my own hangups.

He holds his heart in my hands. IF he chose to crush it, I would live on... but nothing would ever be the same again. Not my outlook on life or love, not how I see others or function in society. I'm sure I'd go back to independence and avoidance of relationships, but life would be hollow and empty in a way it wasn't prior to him being a part of my life.

User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:21 am

TwisttheLeaf wrote:
Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:48 pm
In my experience, love doesn't have to do with "being at peace" with someone. It has to do with not being able to see myself as ever being the same without him again.

As an independent person who was ferocious about guarding that independence, and had absolutely NO interest in being in a relationship when I met Gid... I never felt the want or need to "jump into love" and the realization I loved him came after some time had passed. I was so busy fighting the idea of being dependent on him that loving him snuck up and crept in while I was distracted with my own hangups.

He holds his heart in my hands. IF he chose to crush it, I would live on... but nothing would ever be the same again. Not my outlook on life or love, not how I see others or function in society. I'm sure I'd go back to independence and avoidance of relationships, but life would be hollow and empty in a way it wasn't prior to him being a part of my life.
I guess what I mean by being at peace is more like being compatible. For instance @Gideon is compatible with the person you are where someone else wouldn't be to put it plainly. For me and my partner for the most part I don't really have to "try" where I would find myself with other guys having to "try" to make things work. I found it to be very hard to find guys who will meet you in the middle...on anything. I know he really does love me and I can tell you there is a difference when someone is only saying it, like being customary. Does it stop me from worrying, no, I think that is just my nature (seeing that I have to resort to therapy for it).

User avatar
TwisttheLeaf
New User
New User
Reactions:
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:58 am
Location: Seattle, WA
Gender: Male
Orientation: Pansexual
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by TwisttheLeaf » Mon Oct 02, 2017 1:55 pm

Axle wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:21 am
I guess what I mean by being at peace is more like being compatible. For instance @Gideon is compatible with the person you are where someone else wouldn't be to put it plainly. For me and my partner for the most part I don't really have to "try" where I would find myself with other guys having to "try" to make things work. I found it to be very hard to find guys who will meet you in the middle...on anything. I know he really does love me and I can tell you there is a difference when someone is only saying it, like being customary. Does it stop me from worrying, no, I think that is just my nature (seeing that I have to resort to therapy for it).
Ah, I see what you are saying. Although, in itself, "compatibility" is subjective. Gideon and I are not necessarily compatible on the surface. I'm much younger than him, we don't have a lot of the same interests (other than our enjoyment of interactive roleplay), etc. His moral compass and mine did not used to be entirely on par.

What we DO have is two people who are very open minded. When things don't match up, (especially value wise, ethics wise, etc), we are both open to hearing each other's side of things... and clearly explaining ourselves and our feelings/thoughts on a matter. In most cases, one then realizes the other is right and we come to an agreement. Sometimes there is cooperation and compromise. Other times, we agree to disagree with a strong element of understanding (and either empathizing or sympathizing with) the other's position.

As for unrequited love.... I can understand how this would be painful. I've never been on the receiving end of this. For the length of my relationship with @Gideon I have been certain that he loves me more than I love him. I'm STILL certain of this. It doesn't mean I don't love him, because I absolutely do, but the intensity of his love reaches far beyond my own. Or at least, it appears to in my eyes and observation. He disagrees and says that I merely express my love differently, and this too is perhaps true. So perhaps this is another form of compatibility, yeah? He is open and accepting to how I love him and express it... and I am open to how he does the same.

User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Mon Oct 02, 2017 3:36 pm

TwisttheLeaf wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2017 1:55 pm

Ah, I see what you are saying. Although, in itself, "compatibility" is subjective. Gideon and I are not necessarily compatible on the surface. I'm much younger than him, we don't have a lot of the same interests (other than our enjoyment of interactive roleplay), etc. His moral compass and mine did not used to be entirely on par.

What we DO have is two people who are very open minded. When things don't match up, (especially value wise, ethics wise, etc), we are both open to hearing each other's side of things... and clearly explaining ourselves and our feelings/thoughts on a matter. In most cases, one then realizes the other is right and we come to an agreement. Sometimes there is cooperation and compromise. Other times, we agree to disagree with a strong element of understanding (and either empathizing or sympathizing with) the other's position.

As for unrequited love.... I can understand how this would be painful. I've never been on the receiving end of this. For the length of my relationship with @Gideon I have been certain that he loves me more than I love him. I'm STILL certain of this. It doesn't mean I don't love him, because I absolutely do, but the intensity of his love reaches far beyond my own. Or at least, it appears to in my eyes and observation. He disagrees and says that I merely express my love differently, and this too is perhaps true. So perhaps this is another form of compatibility, yeah? He is open and accepting to how I love him and express it... and I am open to how he does the same.
Hmm not sure if I agree that compatibility itself is subjective, as in that being compatible is something specific. My thinking is that a couple is compatible with each other when things work. My boyfriend doesn't share all the same interests, he's a lot more extroverted than I am and where I have a lot of hobbies and get into things fairly intensely...like say I get into photography and then I want to buy telephoto lenses or a drone or whatever while he's just getting out his iPhone for instance. He likes going places and doing things and so do I but I'm much more reserved, not the life of the party, he sort of is more so than I. I mean he's not out to get attention but he's not shy in going after what he wants and that's good that we have those differences. Frankly, we're still learning about each other still less than a year.

Love itself is a hard topic, because it isn't something tangible, it can only be expressed kind of like nostalgia. In the case of nostalgia, we give meaning to things like old photos, vinyl records or baseball cards...or whatever it is you want to pick on. The items themselves have no meaning or value, it is only when we give value to something, that's when an all original 1969 Z28 Camaro is worth $150,000, otherwise it is just an old car.

Probably the hardest thing to learn is the difference between a crush and someone you actually love and when you're not getting love back from someone else. I can't speak for other people's experiences but I get the feeling a lot of relationship problems stem from not really being in love in the first place, or falling in love with someone's looks. Another thing, not saying you shouldn't be attracted to you partner, you should, but if you want to be with the same person 20...30 or more years looks kind of needs to take a back seat. If you're in high school the person you think is ugly can end up quite handsome, I've seen several people I went to high school who weren't the best looking end up quite handsome. I think people today, in general, focus far too much on looks or styling and less on personality and substance. Who you are should matter more in dating and not how you look...

User avatar
emiliano
Forum Veteran
Forum Veteran
Reactions:
Posts: 135
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:28 pm
Location: NYC
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by emiliano » Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:02 pm

I dont think i have much experience with romantic love. But i dont say that with any sense of self pity or resentment. Its just not something i crave in my life at this point. Infatuation and lust, definitely. Id maybe define infatuation as strong feelings about a person - in an emotional kind of way. Lust is a more physical sensation.

User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:26 am

emiliano wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:02 pm
I dont think i have much experience with romantic love. But i dont say that with any sense of self pity or resentment. Its just not something i crave in my life at this point. Infatuation and lust, definitely. Id maybe define infatuation as strong feelings about a person - in an emotional kind of way. Lust is a more physical sensation.
Some people want it and have a hard time finding it and then some folks don't really want it and end up finding it with ease, perhaps @TwisttheLeaf might be able to chime in on this.

On the bright side, not seeking it means you're not going to date just any guy that comes along. I'd say something unexpected would happen, like you weren't expecting it, wasn't planning it or didn't really want it but you and so and so click and things work well. Who knows, just speculation.

Infatuation is strong emotional and physical feelings for someone, to the point of irrationality... Kind of like that episode of Family Guy where Meg gets a crush on Joe...

Image

I mean that is to the extreme but that is what it is, it becomes an obsession and ultimately never ends well.

User avatar
emiliano
Forum Veteran
Forum Veteran
Reactions:
Posts: 135
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:28 pm
Location: NYC
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by emiliano » Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:04 am

Axle wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:26 am
emiliano wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:02 pm
I dont think i have much experience with romantic love. But i dont say that with any sense of self pity or resentment. Its just not something i crave in my life at this point. Infatuation and lust, definitely. Id maybe define infatuation as strong feelings about a person - in an emotional kind of way. Lust is a more physical sensation.
Some people want it and have a hard time finding it and then some folks don't really want it and end up finding it with ease, perhaps @TwisttheLeaf might be able to chime in on this.

On the bright side, not seeking it means you're not going to date just any guy that comes along. I'd say something unexpected would happen, like you weren't expecting it, wasn't planning it or didn't really want it but you and so and so click and things work well. Who knows, just speculation.

Infatuation is strong emotional and physical feelings for someone, to the point of irrationality... Kind of like that episode of Family Guy where Meg gets a crush on Joe...

Image

I mean that is to the extreme but that is what it is, it becomes an obsession and ultimately never ends well.

I don't watch family guy so the reference is lost on me. But I get what you're saying.

I think when I was younger, I thought I wanted to end up in a serious relationship- get married, adopt kids, all that. But I think I wanted it because that's what I thought I was supposed to want. I've always been very goal oriented and those are typical goals, so of course they should be my goals too. But I don't think those are things I actually want anymore.

People are always like, you'll meet the right guy one day or it'll be when you least expect it. But I don't really agree with the idea that eventually we should all partner up, or that a person is somehow incomplete if they're single, or that falling in love is some sort of marker of adulthood.

I've heard all that from family and friends so many times, how I have to get into a relationship, how it's going to happen eventually whether I want it or not. Lol it sounds like a threat almost.

Just like some people are asexual, maybe some people are aromantic.

User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:08 pm

emiliano wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:04 am

I don't watch family guy so the reference is lost on me. But I get what you're saying.

I think when I was younger, I thought I wanted to end up in a serious relationship- get married, adopt kids, all that. But I think I wanted it because that's what I thought I was supposed to want. I've always been very goal oriented and those are typical goals, so of course they should be my goals too. But I don't think those are things I actually want anymore.

People are always like, you'll meet the right guy one day or it'll be when you least expect it. But I don't really agree with the idea that eventually we should all partner up, or that a person is somehow incomplete if they're single, or that falling in love is some sort of marker of adulthood.

I've heard all that from family and friends so many times, how I have to get into a relationship, how it's going to happen eventually whether I want it or not. Lol it sounds like a threat almost.

Just like some people are asexual, maybe some people are aromantic.
You don't watch Family Guy? :o

Well maybe part of the problem is that everyone says you should do these things? I agree, I think you should do what you want and if the time comes that you want a relationship or whatever then do that. I'm friends with a couple who don't have sex and have been together for 10 years, live in a 3 story home and pretty much do their own thing, they do love each other but it's not like a storybook relationship. I don't think there are two relationships that work the same way and that's kind of the beauty of it, it can be sexual or not sexual, romantic or not romantic, close or distant as long as things click and it works. If things don't click you can pretty well bet the problems will come bubbling up well within a year.

If you do end up in a relationship and not really wanting one it will just fall into place, like catching the train on time...referencing the other topic. Doesn't mean it's going to be like something out of a movie. At any rate, do what you want just don't waste time and don't do anything you regret doing.

I wouldn't dare say that I know you but it would seem, from reading your posts, maybe to take life too seriously? and I don't mean to pick at you, in a way I do but I try to use things like Family Guy for instance to "shut off" the world for a moment and try to go back to that time when I had a wild imagination. I guess that makes sense.

User avatar
emiliano
Forum Veteran
Forum Veteran
Reactions:
Posts: 135
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:28 pm
Location: NYC
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by emiliano » Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:24 pm

Axle wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:08 pm
emiliano wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:04 am

I don't watch family guy so the reference is lost on me. But I get what you're saying.

I think when I was younger, I thought I wanted to end up in a serious relationship- get married, adopt kids, all that. But I think I wanted it because that's what I thought I was supposed to want. I've always been very goal oriented and those are typical goals, so of course they should be my goals too. But I don't think those are things I actually want anymore.

People are always like, you'll meet the right guy one day or it'll be when you least expect it. But I don't really agree with the idea that eventually we should all partner up, or that a person is somehow incomplete if they're single, or that falling in love is some sort of marker of adulthood.

I've heard all that from family and friends so many times, how I have to get into a relationship, how it's going to happen eventually whether I want it or not. Lol it sounds like a threat almost.

Just like some people are asexual, maybe some people are aromantic.
You don't watch Family Guy? :o

Well maybe part of the problem is that everyone says you should do these things? I agree, I think you should do what you want and if the time comes that you want a relationship or whatever then do that. I'm friends with a couple who don't have sex and have been together for 10 years, live in a 3 story home and pretty much do their own thing, they do love each other but it's not like a storybook relationship. I don't think there are two relationships that work the same way and that's kind of the beauty of it, it can be sexual or not sexual, romantic or not romantic, close or distant as long as things click and it works. If things don't click you can pretty well bet the problems will come bubbling up well within a year.

If you do end up in a relationship and not really wanting one it will just fall into place, like catching the train on time...referencing the other topic. Doesn't mean it's going to be like something out of a movie. At any rate, do what you want just don't waste time and don't do anything you regret doing.

I wouldn't dare say that I know you but it would seem, from reading your posts, maybe to take life too seriously? and I don't mean to pick at you, in a way I do but I try to use things like Family Guy for instance to "shut off" the world for a moment and try to go back to that time when I had a wild imagination. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah I don't really like cartoons, I never have. And I'm not big on comedy shows or movies in general.

Probably related to that, I don't think a person has to know me incredibly well to know that I am pretty serious person and I do take life and things in general seriously. I'm not sure what that has to do with my lack of interest in being in a romantic relationship though.

User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Tue Oct 03, 2017 3:47 pm

emiliano wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:24 pm

Yeah I don't really like cartoons, I never have. And I'm not big on comedy shows or movies in general.

Probably related to that, I don't think a person has to know me incredibly well to know that I am pretty serious person and I do take life and things in general seriously. I'm not sure what that has to do with my lack of interest in being in a romantic relationship though.
Well I'm not a movie buff at all either, I really don't care to go see movies, never got into superheroes or comics but good old satire I like, I guess that's why I like stuff like Rick & Morty, South Park and so on.

But why so serious about life in general? Probably best to ask that first and hold my 2 cents, not that my 2 cents is the way someone should be. Not suggesting you should change anything either, my intent isn't to make you want something you don't want or change your outlook on life, the only thing I could hope for anyone is to be on a track to a happy life.

I don't know that you being serious has any direct relationship to you wanting or not wanting a romantic relationship. Not trying to convince you one way or another.

User avatar
emiliano
Forum Veteran
Forum Veteran
Reactions:
Posts: 135
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:28 pm
Location: NYC
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by emiliano » Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:53 pm

Axle wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 3:47 pm
emiliano wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:24 pm

Yeah I don't really like cartoons, I never have. And I'm not big on comedy shows or movies in general.

Probably related to that, I don't think a person has to know me incredibly well to know that I am pretty serious person and I do take life and things in general seriously. I'm not sure what that has to do with my lack of interest in being in a romantic relationship though.
Well I'm not a movie buff at all either, I really don't care to go see movies, never got into superheroes or comics but good old satire I like, I guess that's why I like stuff like Rick & Morty, South Park and so on.

But why so serious about life in general? Probably best to ask that first and hold my 2 cents, not that my 2 cents is the way someone should be. Not suggesting you should change anything either, my intent isn't to make you want something you don't want or change your outlook on life, the only thing I could hope for anyone is to be on a track to a happy life.

I don't know that you being serious has any direct relationship to you wanting or not wanting a romantic relationship. Not trying to convince you one way or another.

I don't mean to come off like I never laugh or smile or don't know how to relax. I mean I'm not a robot.

I'm serious I guess because to me, life is serious. I'm sure we've all been through a lot, and I'm no exception. Working hard, staying focused, not playing around with my time or my life, that's how I've been able to be independent and better my situation.

I don't know how much is nature vs nurture, but it's probably some mix of how I am and how I've had to be. The things I'm interested in and the work I do, it all related to serious things, and I take my responsibilities, and my reputation seriously.

At the same time I worry about coming off too serious or too aggressive, online mostly. Like for example when I said I don't see what having to be serious has to do with romantic relationships - I just meant that I don't see the connection, not like, why would you bring that up, how dare you. I'm all about self reflection and over analyzing and all that. I do it compulsively, so it's a good thing I'm into it I guess.

User avatar
Axle
Site Admin
Site Admin
Reactions:
Posts: 446
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:49 am
Location: North Carolina, US
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by Axle » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:53 pm

emiliano wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:53 pm

I don't mean to come off like I never laugh or smile or don't know how to relax. I mean I'm not a robot.

I'm serious I guess because to me, life is serious. I'm sure we've all been through a lot, and I'm no exception. Working hard, staying focused, not playing around with my time or my life, that's how I've been able to be independent and better my situation.

I don't know how much is nature vs nurture, but it's probably some mix of how I am and how I've had to be. The things I'm interested in and the work I do, it all related to serious things, and I take my responsibilities, and my reputation seriously.

At the same time I worry about coming off too serious or too aggressive, online mostly. Like for example when I said I don't see what having to be serious has to do with romantic relationships - I just meant that I don't see the connection, not like, why would you bring that up, how dare you. I'm all about self reflection and over analyzing and all that. I do it compulsively, so it's a good thing I'm into it I guess.
Well I know you're not a robot but like how I was last year when I got on the triathlon bandwagon, I actually over trained, I did too much in too short of time. I really could have hurt myself in a bad way, I mean I would come back in after a bike ride (mind you I live in a mountainous area) and smell ammonia when I breathed. What was funny though, I never really felt like I was overdoing it most of the time. What I did notice though was that I never really got better, never really got faster or anything. Anyway, kind of off track. Perhaps it is NYC, perhaps the culture and like you say nature vs nurture has a lot to do with shaping who you are. I think if you came down where I'm at you'd be bored to tears, not that there isn't anything to do here, things are at a different pace for the most part.

I don't think you have come off too aggressive, at least not on this topic. I know in some of the political stuff...but hell everyone gets a bit aggressive with politics, throw in a crazed lunatic like Trump well I guess Prozac all around if you want to keep things sane. I think you're very passionate and put a lot of thought into the things your write and trying to bridge the gap between sides which is good. Just don't beat yourself up over this stuff, not saying not to care but look at it like this, not everyone likes me, online or in real-life. Doesn't matter how I do my hair, what clothes I wear, whether I dot my "I's" or cross my "T's" I'll end up rubbing someone the wrong way.

Perhaps I'm telling you things you may already know lol

User avatar
TwisttheLeaf
New User
New User
Reactions:
Posts: 45
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 4:58 am
Location: Seattle, WA
Gender: Male
Orientation: Pansexual
Mood:
Contact:

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by TwisttheLeaf » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:10 pm

Axle is right, I was once in a similar position to you. Prior to meeting Gideon, I had absolutely NO interest in having a relationship with anyone. I was very happy on my own with an array of no strings attached encounters. Even after being in a relationship with Gideon, I can honestly say if it wasn't -him- it would be no one, and I would return to a life without interest in relationships should he not be in my life for some reason.

That said...

Being in a relationship with the right person can be an extremely rewarding and pleasurable experience. One that, regardless of where he and I are ten or twenty or forty years from now, I wouldn't regret for one second having had the chance to experience for myself.

User avatar
emiliano
Forum Veteran
Forum Veteran
Reactions:
Posts: 135
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:28 pm
Location: NYC
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay

Re: Love, Lust and Infatuation

Post by emiliano » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:16 pm

Axle wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:53 pm
emiliano wrote:
Tue Oct 03, 2017 7:53 pm

I don't mean to come off like I never laugh or smile or don't know how to relax. I mean I'm not a robot.

I'm serious I guess because to me, life is serious. I'm sure we've all been through a lot, and I'm no exception. Working hard, staying focused, not playing around with my time or my life, that's how I've been able to be independent and better my situation.

I don't know how much is nature vs nurture, but it's probably some mix of how I am and how I've had to be. The things I'm interested in and the work I do, it all related to serious things, and I take my responsibilities, and my reputation seriously.

At the same time I worry about coming off too serious or too aggressive, online mostly. Like for example when I said I don't see what having to be serious has to do with romantic relationships - I just meant that I don't see the connection, not like, why would you bring that up, how dare you. I'm all about self reflection and over analyzing and all that. I do it compulsively, so it's a good thing I'm into it I guess.
Well I know you're not a robot but like how I was last year when I got on the triathlon bandwagon, I actually over trained, I did too much in too short of time. I really could have hurt myself in a bad way, I mean I would come back in after a bike ride (mind you I live in a mountainous area) and smell ammonia when I breathed. What was funny though, I never really felt like I was overdoing it most of the time. What I did notice though was that I never really got better, never really got faster or anything. Anyway, kind of off track. Perhaps it is NYC, perhaps the culture and like you say nature vs nurture has a lot to do with shaping who you are. I think if you came down where I'm at you'd be bored to tears, not that there isn't anything to do here, things are at a different pace for the most part.

I don't think you have come off too aggressive, at least not on this topic. I know in some of the political stuff...but hell everyone gets a bit aggressive with politics, throw in a crazed lunatic like Trump well I guess Prozac all around if you want to keep things sane. I think you're very passionate and put a lot of thought into the things your write and trying to bridge the gap between sides which is good. Just don't beat yourself up over this stuff, not saying not to care but look at it like this, not everyone likes me, online or in real-life. Doesn't matter how I do my hair, what clothes I wear, whether I dot my "I's" or cross my "T's" I'll end up rubbing someone the wrong way.

Perhaps I'm telling you things you may already know lol

I think I'd be happy visiting the country for a day or two. But even when I visit friends in another city like DC or Philly, I start getting anxious after a few days. New York is my home, so its not as wild and hectic for me as it seems to people who arent from here and think the whole city is like Times Square or something. I like security, I like knowing where i am and how to get places, I like my patterns and my routines. Im kind of a control freak.

Even though where you live looks very beautiful and peaceful from the drone footage youve shared, I also think id feel uncomfortable being out in an area thats so conservative. Even the couple times ive been upstate, that was enough to make me feel a little uneasy.


Anyway, sorry for derailing your thread.

Post Reply

Social Media